Question: “I just got engaged. It’s been exciting, but also a bit nerve wracking as I have an estranged relationship with my biological dad. We have barely talked in two years and before distancing myself, I faced emotional abuse from him and his wife my whole life. However, we recently started to talk again and went out to lunch. It went better than I expected but he still centered a lot of things around my stepmom rather than our relationship. His wife has threatened me, called me a disappointment, sold my personal items, was mean to my grandmother while she was on her death bed and so much more. I don’t want a relationship with her. However, with all of this wedding stuff coming up, I’ve been considering inviting them to the wedding.
We’re planning for our wedding to be out-of-state and a very small, intimate gathering. There are a few problems if I invite them, the No. 1 being that I don’t really want my stepmom to attend. Also, I want my stepdad to walk me down the aisle and not my biological dad. I would also love for my sister to attend, but it seems complicated considering I don’t want her mom to come and our dad will not be a part of the ceremony. I’m not sure how to discuss these terms with them if I do invite them. How do I set these boundaries? Also, how should I tell my dad that he will not be walking me down the aisle?”